Yeonmi Park, While Time Remains

 

"Spirituality for Badasses" by J. Stewart Dixon

 

Credit: Author J. Stewart Dixon

Jeff, Welcome to Authors by Sasha! As the author of "Spirituality for Badasses: How to Find Inner Peace Without Losing Your Cool", what motivated you to finally write a book that blossomed from at least twenty nine years of experience working with unorthodox teachers to discover your best self?

Spirituality for Badasses is my second book.  The first was written ten years ago.  I’ve had multiple false starts on a second book over the years.  I’d write a chapter or two and then resign it to the dust bin. Spirituality for Badasses came about after a frustrating attempt to make a more conventional version of my work fly. It didn’t fly. It flopped. So, in frustration, I said screw it, and wrote the first few chapters of Spirituality for Badasses in one sitting.  I gave those chapters away for free and it immediately flew.  

Your life experience includes history with drugs and alcohol, conventional therapy and pharmaceutical drugs. When and how did these influences enter your life path?  

College. Typical pot smoking, beer drinking hijinks. 

What was the hardest challenge you faced when breaking up with these substances in your journey? 

Who said I broke up with them?  I still drink tequila, whiskey or beer while barbequing on the back deck. And I smoke pot occasionally at night in my hot-tub. 

What were you seeking during this phase of your life? (Were you seeking a higher source, or were you a rebel without a cause?) 

My use of drugs and alcohol was and is mostly recreational.  Every once in a blue moon I’d have some sort of quasi-slightly deluded insight from pot. 

How did you perceive spirituality before you embraced it as a lifestyle? What diverse modes of spiritual healing did you try before committing to mediums that worked for you?  

With healthy skepticism. Then, while in college, I had several major kundalini/out-of-body experiences that proved to me there was something to it.  I practiced kundalini yoga with 3HO foundation for 3-4 years in my early twenties.  I was a big fan of The Monroe Institute as well (Robert Monroe wrote the famous new age book Journeys Out of the Body)

The book "Spirituality for Badasses" infuses self-help and humor to deliver healing to global audiences effected by the pandemic. Some perceive humor to be a double edged sword -- it can nurture the human spirit and for some it's a defense mechanism that helps them survive in a world that can be cruel at times.  

As an engineer and global citizen, how do you view humor?     

I agree.  Humor can be used to avoid or embrace deeper issues.  I use humor in SFB as a disarming mechanism.  The humor disarms any preconceived ideas the reader may have about what spirituality should look, feel or sound like. It’s much easier to charm someone, than to argue with or convince them. First the lollipop- then the medicine. 

What advice do you have for readers who can benefit from lightening up a bit?  

Laughter is good medicine.  Notice where you are when you laugh- in the present moment.  In your body. In your heart. Happy.

Many people are a 'work in progress'. What were the initial steps taken to slowly detach yourself from the fleeting man-made influences (drugs, alcohol, Prozac) that weren't helping you in the long run? What was the turning point that encouraged you to pursue a new solution to continue your quest for "seeking" from the universe? 

Direct spiritual experience that provides an insight, change or big aha moment makes drugs and alcohol seem like doggy treats.  Turning point for me- having multiple out-of-body experiences. 

Jeff, you've tried conventional therapy. What was your experience like and did you learn anything?  Given your experience, do you have thoughts on why such therapy works for some individuals whereas others struggle with this specific mode of healing? 

My experience of traditional therapy: Dry, heady and lacking in depth. Once I switched to nondual-zen satsang teachers and energy workers I found what I was looking for.  I believe it’s hit or miss- Kinda like dating.  I think there are both awesome and shitty therapists, satsang teachers and energy workers out there.  Getting stuck or struggling means you just haven’t found the right one yet.

As the author of "Spirituality for Badasses", you've referenced moments where you were 'too smart for your own good'. Can you share a few examples when you were too smart for your own good that it resulted in attracting more complications in your life?

Ego/personality/identity is too smart for its own good and caused much suffering throughout my life. My whole spiritual path adventure was about seeing, accepting and transforming ego. When ego shifted from the pilot's seat to the co-pilot's seat- everything changed for the better.

Is there a way for people to tame their ego so their 'smartness' doesn't rob them of a chance of living an authentic and abundant life? 

Mindfulness does this. It’s much better to be aware than to be smart.  But it takes some humility and usually some ass kicking or suffering before we decide to let awareness take precedence over smartness.

Spirituality is a tool that can transform lives on local and global levels.  

What emotions did you encounter day to day as these shifts were taking place within you? 

I was a pro at dark-night-of-the-soul shit: anxiety attacks, fear of death, existential annihilation fears, bodily trembling, sweating and contracting.  I swam in a sea of monsters before finding the calm warm bay.

How were you able to entertain these healthy transformations without ‘losing your cool and compromising your libido’? 😊 

When you peer through to the ultimate nondual nature of existence- then all experience equalizes. There is no difference between sex, an ice-cream cone or Nirvakalpa samadhi.   So abstaining from these things is pointless. Ergo- you can still be the unique, funny, artistic, quirky, strange, quiet, shy (however it manifests) badass cool you.

What are nonduality-advaita-zen-unorthodox teachers? What role do they play in your life? 

Teachers like Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Andrew Cohen, Saniel Bonder, Gangaji, Adi-Da, Osho and more.  They played an immense role in my life. Most 20-somethings have a little black book filled with the phone numbers of girlfriends or boyfriends. My little black book had spiritual teachers in it.

Spirituality helps people recognize parts of themselves that can benefit from healing. What part of yourself needed to be healed, helped and restored to ensure that you live your best life aligned with a higher purpose? 

I suffered from existential depression, anxiety attacks and feelings of separation. When this crap went away permanently I raised my hand and said:  Cool. I’m okay now.  Thank you, universe.

Jeff, what spiritual practices help you maintain a state of mindfulness amidst the uncertain times we live in today? 

I don’t practice.  I’m it.  What’s the point of practicing to get to a place that I’m already in? So being it is my practice. “I am that”- Nisargadatta Maharaj  😊  And based on my 52 years on this forlorn little planet…times are always uncertain.

Credit: Spirituality for Badasses

When writing "Spirituality for Badasses", what did you learn about the writing process? Do you have any tips for writers wanting to launch their first book? 

I love writing. I go deep into the Zen happy spot zone when writing. Tips for a book launch: hire a professional.  I did. Money well spent.

What does 'badass' mean in your life? When did you finally discover your badass and how has it improved your quality of life? 

Badass means being courageous. A spiritual badass channels his or her courage into the spiritual adventure of knowing thyself. When I finally discovered my own spiritual badass true nature it ended my depression, anxiety attacks and feelings of separation. That improved my life, to say the least.

What guidance do you have for people wanting to improve or change the circumstances in their life? 

Read Spirituality for Badasses. 

Please share with audiences how people can support your work.  

Private sessions, coaching or courses: www.spiritualityforbadasses.com.

Buy the book @ Amazon here.

Sasha's Book Pick: Presence by Amy Cuddy

“Focus less on the impression you’re making on others and more on the impression

you’re making on yourself.”  ― Amy Cuddy

Credit: Presence by Amy Cuddy

Credit: Presence by Amy Cuddy

Here's Amy delivering one of the most historically popular Ted Talk.

Meet FM Ellis, Author of My Life as a Lemon

Credit: FM Ellis

Faye, the audiences are excited to learn about you. Can you please share what was the turning point that inspired you to start writing "My Life as a Lemon" back in 2011? The book is a culmination of several years worth of writing stemming from a few year-long breaks. How did these mini writing breaks refine your approach to penning your story?

Thank you for having me. I am excited and privileged to be able to speak with you and your audience in hopes to spread my message and intentions. I do not recall one specific point that inspired me to start writing, but for years prior to 2011, I had entertained friends and co-workers with my crazy stories. At one point, I stopped sharing all the juicy details of my weekend or encounters and started saying, “read the book” and the idea just stuck. The breaks in writing, sometimes years at a time, allow me to mature and get out of my story so that I could write it. It was like a pregnancy, my story had to develop through proper nurturing for it to be born. Through that process, I became the woman I am today. The mother of this beautiful, twisted story that I can share with empathy, love, and confidence. Ensuring that the intended message is conveyed. Had I rushed it, countless lessons would have been overlooked and my purpose thwarted. 

"My Life as a Lemon" is your first book as an author. Writing an autobiography demands the author to relive events from a reservoir of memories and shelved emotions. Our bodies even host cellular memory of our life events. What was the easiest part of penning an autobiography? What was the most challenging part of the writing process when sifting through these personal experiences and deciding what to share with audiences? 

Surprisingly, the easiest part was recounting events. The who, what, when, where, why and how. The challenge was reliving those moments. Being as authentic and naked in my descriptions as possible. There were stories I had to sit on for years because the mere thought took everything out of me. There were plenty of nights I wrote through tears, self-reflection, and doubt. It was the final stages of delivery, and it was the hardest. 

Your autobiography highlights a loving childhood in a close-knit family while exhibiting a balanced religious and cultural home. Your father was an advocate of Elijah Muhammad and Louis Farrakhan while your mom devoted her life integrating the presence of Jesus in the home. Did you ever encounter moments where you felt the need to accommodate one parent's interests over the other? How were you able to coexist alongside such diversified ideologies under the same roof? 

I cannot speak for my brothers, but I never felt the need to sort of juggle my parents’ interest to please one over the other. What I did do was show interest in those things each parent presented. For a child, this is just another way to bond with your parents. Additionally, demonstrating interest in what someone else liked was modeled by my parents themselves. They did a wonderful job of tending to the things my brothers and myself showed interest in, so it was a natural reciprocation. As far as the Honorable Elijah Muhammad and Jesus Christ coexisting under one roof, both taught of loving oneself and living an exemplary life. The world may see the teachings as conflicts, Islam picked up where Christianity may have stopped. Both teachings were essential for our household. As black people trying to navigate through a system not necessarily designed to propel people that look like us. 

Most successful family units pride themselves in building a strong circle of trust and healthy boundaries. In "My Life as a Lemon" various layers of trust are explored as secrets begin to unfold over time. You were raised in an environment that nurtured a strong pillar of strength, empowerment, and faith. How did you define trust as a child? How did your perception of trust evolve as a teenager? How do you define trust today as a mature woman? 

As a child I define trust as love and protection, as demonstrated by my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts. Trust was being able to depend on someone to take care of me. That definition has not changed, the reason I lost trust and struggled in some relationships was because I stopped feeling cared for. What rose in the place of trust was anger and disappointment. That belief still holds true for me today. 

Given your past life experiences (some which include patterns of blacking out from drinking and questioning your self-worth), at what point in time did you finally start trusting your judgement again? In today's age, people are often looking outward for validation and life direction. As a mother of two daughters, what have you taught your daughters about trusting their own judgement?

I began to trust my own judgement when I started seeing the fruits of my labor pay off. It took years, but the discipline, hard work and sacrifice worked. I still enjoyed a social life but revisiting my list of “things to do”, setting deadlines and seeing things to completion had become my new norm. It is because of these disciplines I knew I could trust myself to be and do whatever I wanted. That is a feeling everyone should experience. Unfortunately, far too often, those feelings are centered around negative outcomes. But a simple shift in perception and habits will transform that expectation and ultimately your life. 

​

As a mother, I attempted to be as transparent as needed with my daughters. They witness me win and lose, free and incarcerated, inspired and lost. Through it all my results came with an explanation and from that point they were free to make their own choices, fully aware that each comes with consequences or benefits. I also spoke openly about my financial and legal troubles. As young adults they have been more level -headed, giving and self-assured than I ever was at their ages. It seems that something worked. 

Secrets, like promises, are dangerous if not kept. "My Life as a Lemon" discloses secrets which challenge you to cope as these skeletons come to life interfering with your life journey. In your opinion, are there any secrets that should never see the light of day? Under what circumstances should secrets be disclosed (even at the expense of breaking trust) to offset any dire repercussions down the road? 

The definition of the secret is something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others. That being said, what is done in the dark will soon find light. We should ask ourselves, if the repercussions of the secret will be worse through voluntary disclosure or by other means. Yes, there are times when we need to mind or own business and refrain from telling secrets that have nothing to do with us, secrets that have no benefits if disclosed, and vengeful secrets(disclosure with the intent to hurt).

On the flip side, innately we all know what should and should not share. Those secrets that are eating at us and holding us in bondage are the ones that should be addressed. It is like ripping a bandage off a sore, it’s ugly underneath and still hurt, but the exposure can accelerate the healing process. 

Faye, the elements of trusts and secrets also touch upon human boundaries in a literal and metaphorical sense. How do you define and manage healthy boundaries in your life today? How do you know when you are not being true to yourself?

Today I define healthy relationships as the ones that make me feel healthy. Those relationships that enable me to be the change I want to see in the world. For even in my darkest days, I knew that relationships can only do one thing…fill you up or deplete you. I know I am not being true to myself when I feel depleted, rather that is through my own actions or someone else’s. Nowadays, I am comfortable with stating my desires and addressing the issues. I trust results.

Discovering and applying our inner voice is a lifelong process. Speaking up isn't always easy nor is it always welcomed in society. Can you recall a time when you tapped into that voice and exercised courage to speak up for a cause important to you? 

Recently, I started FM Friday on Facebook to speak about my childhood experience with abuse and how to educate and empower our children and ourselves against the pandemic of sexual abuse. RAINN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest national network reports that in America (someone, not just women) is a victim of a sexual crime every 73 secs. If that is not a pandemic in need of a cure, then I do not know what is. I am using this platform to give the experts, like my local police department’s sexual victim unit, and other national organizations to speak with my audience and arm them with the correct utility to win this war. I have found my purpose. 

When it comes to self-development, is there any specific aspect of life where you've significantly grown? How did this shift evolve over time? Were there any activities or resources that helped you manifest the "FM Ellis" today?

Today, I trust my decision-making because I know what it is that I want. At any given moment, I can assess to see if my actions and activities are contributing to my big picture or taking from it. The realization of not having a defined purpose, which allowed everything to be of interest and ultimately a distraction. To finally, accept that I could not figure everything out myself. Going to therapy was the commencement of the shift. At that point, I began to hold myself accountable for my day-to-day activities, which eventually led to better results than I previously produced. In addition to therapy, I started a morning ritual of waking up earlier, listening to an online sermon, going to the gym, and using my commute to work to listen to motivational audios and books. Over time these habits changed my approach to everything. 

As a self-published author, can you please share two tips that can benefit new writers seeking direction for presenting their work online and offline.

Although I am still navigating my way through this literary maze, I would strongly suggest growing a following via social media, reaching out to other authors for insight and advice and stay in the public’s eye. Podcast, article, radio interviews, YouTube, collaborations with other up and coming artists/authors. Talk to anyone that will listen, participate, volunteer, just a grassroots effort daily. Eat, breath and live your book. 

Faye, you're a proud St. Louis native spreading joy in Georgia now. What are two things that you miss about St. Louis? What are two things about Georgia that you've grown to love over time?

The authenticity or realness of the people, Midwesterners are pretty much “what you see is what you get”. Also, the sense of community. Regardless of the years that have passed since I was a resident of St. Louis, there is always welcoming warmth I can depend on when I go back. 

As far as Georgia is concerned, it is a staple of progress and has made an impact in one way or another on the world. It is a great place to be associated with. The talent, education, innovation, and influencers that come from this state is unbelievable. Secondly, The landscape both business and literally is something to behold.

If today were your last day, how would you invest your remaining hours on earth?

I would spend it with my family, ensuring they could pick up where I left off in fulfilling the goal of eradicating sexual abuse through education, empowerment and a legal system that believes in a victim innocence without victimizing them again. 

Your life story encapsulates several genres in "My Life as a Lemon". If you had to pair a song to reflect the book's essence, what song would it be and why?

It’s in the opening credits of my FM Friday Facebook live show (I do not own the right to this song) Mary J. Blige’s Know. When I heard it for the first time, I pulled over on the side of the road because of the transparency and truth this song speaks. 

​

“Oh, Lord, Lord, Lord

They just don't know, know, know

How hard I had to go, go, go

To get through, to get through

They just don't know, know, know, know

Know, know, know

How many times I lost (how many times I lost)

Just so I could win (ooh, yeah)

They just don't know, know, know, know

Oh no, no

How many times I've died (how many times I've died)

Just to live again, oh yeah”

Please share with audiences how they can support your work.

Subscribe at Fmellis.com and follow me at lifeasalemon on Instagram. Best of life to you all!!

Amazon: My Life as a Lemon

Credit: My Life as a Lemon, Author FM Ellis

Meet Lucia Matuonto, Author of Zoe the Crab Series

Credit: Lucia Matuonto

Hello Lucia, Welcome to the Authors' Circle. You've been writing for at least twenty years and sharing your life insights through magazines, blogs and books. What type of topics do you entertain for magazines and blogs? How did you transition to writing children's books?

The topics I used to write about were healthy lifestyle, travel and funny short stories about women’s real life experiences. Since I also like to paint, during the quarantine I had enough time to create new characters, most of them are animals. This is when I got the idea to give life to these characters in a series of books for kids.

In your opinion, is one form of writing easier than the other?

I started to write fiction, which I find it easier than what I was previously writing about because I like to use my imagination and be free to create new worlds.

Do you recall the first book that you read as a child? What impact did it have on your imagination and personal values? ​Did it inspire you to believe in something new?

Yes! I was 8 years old when I read a book called “The Boy with Green Thumbs” from Maurice Druon. This book tells the story of a boy who turns into beautiful plants everything he touches and with this superpower he is able to give happiness to many people. It influenced me a lot, because I learnt that we should always do our best. I believe that what you plant you will harvest later.

As a writer whose childhood emanates from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, how are those childhood experiences reflected in your writings for the Zoe the Crab series?

The best memories from my childhood are from the days I spent on the beach in front of the Sugar Loaf. In those times I used to be fascinated by the marine life and all the interesting little creatures on the beach.

Character development in storytelling is a layered process dependent upon the main character's personality and values. The book's theme endorses inclusion, strength and friendship. How did you decide which strengths and weaknesses will reside in Zoe to communicate your book's message to the audience?

I was inspired by my little patients and by my personal experiences while growing up. I always admired the strength of my patients who were making every effort to overcome their fears and challenges to make new friends and to be seen as the other kids.

Zoe the Crab is the youngest of siblings. She has two older brothers that test her patience while challenging Zoe to find her inner voice. Lucia, from your childhood experiences, how did you learn to speak up and stand up for yourself?

It took a while to learn how to defend myself and how not to care too much about other people’s opinions. I was an only child for 8 years and my parents over protected me, which caused me to be afraid of confronting other kids. When my sister was born I had to start fending for myself also at home and this improved very much my fighting skills.

Tapping into our inner voice is a process which isn't easy for many people yet necessary for survival in life. What advice do you have for children seeking an effective outlet to communicate their feelings while confidently claiming their self-worth?

My suggestion is always to believe in yourself, to have positive role models who inspire you and to express yourself openly, specially in the relationship with your parents and closest friends.

The character Zoe is a handicapped crab that is challenged by how she is perceived; at the same time how she is restricted in mobility due to how she walks. How do you define the word challenge? What advice do you have for children who need to learn and appreciate that people come in different forms from all walks of life?

In my opinion a challenge is what makes you grow daily. A life without challenges will not give us any strength or learning. My advice to children is to always be open to people who are different because diversity opens our mind and enables us to experience many different aspects of life. A world where everybody is similar would be extremely boring.

As a professional physiotherapist working with children hosting motor and cognitive disabilities, what have these children taught you about resilience in life? Is there anything surprising you've learned about these kids in the process?

They taught me that we are all capable to reach unimaginable goals if we set a clear target and work relentlessly to reach it. I learnt not to give up with trying. There is a specific episode that happened with me when I was working at a school for kids with special needs in Dubai. We were organizing the end of the year show and we had to learn a choreography in very few days. I was worried that there was not enough time to do it, but the kids were very engaged and pushed me to drop my fears and doubts and just use that energy to focus on reaching the target. And we did it!

Credit: Zoe the Crab, Lost on the Beach

Zoe the Crab series celebrates the main character's unique traits instead of validating conformity in society. Zoe's perceived set backs (from her handicap to her dominant siblings, for example) serves as a set up for success by teaching her how to exercise courage to take pride in being different. How can parents and caretakers nurture the self-esteem of children? How can they override the resistance from children when they are afraid to engage with their social environment?

My advice for the parents would be not to remove all the challenges for the kids but to give them reasonable targets and to teach them, not to give up until they reach it. By reaching the goals and proving that they can do it, they will automatically build their self esteem and learn that everything in life requires effort and problem solving skills.

Lucia, you're also a painter. At what stage of life were you introduced to art? Are there any pieces of art, produced by others or yourself, which holds special meaning? 

I have been fascinated by books and art since I was exposed to them in school. I still remember the first time I went to an art museum in Rio and I was impressed by the huge colorful paintings which gave me unexpected emotions. Since I started painting, I tried different styles inspired by the famous paintings that I had the fortune to see during my travels around the world. In the last year I was influenced by the paintings of Arcimboldo and Gustav Klimt. Two very different styles that inspire me in my work.

You've lived and traveled among several countries. If you had to add another country to the list and make it your 'home', which one would it be and why?

I would add New Zealand because I believe that their nature is unique and pristine.

Will there be more stories added to the Zoe series? Are there any new projects on the horizon?

Yes! Zoe the Crab is a trilogy and i will release the third book in November. The project after that will focus even more on people with special needs and will target an older age range.

Finally, do you have any tips for parents spending time with children during quarantine? Are there any activities you recommend for children to remain focused and engaged with their local environment?

I would advise the parents to engage children with art and creativity in a playful way. One suggestion is also to create targets and incentive the learn of new skills for the kids. In fact there are online many classes that the parents can follow with the kids and support them during the learning process. Since I found that there are not many courses specifically designed for kids, I am creating different online classes to combine writing, painting and foreign languages to engage the kids in a playful way and to give the parents a break.

Credit: Zoe the Crab, Mystery Island

Please share with audiences how they can support your work. 

The best way to support my work is to follow me on the different platforms, to read my books and give me honest feedback and maybe ideas for topics that the readers would like me to talk about. These are the different links where the readers can find all the materials. Please subscribe to my website so you can get my newsletter and some giveaways.

Lucia Matuonto @ https://www.luciamatuonto.com

Instagram: Luciamatuontoauthor

Twitter: Luciamatuontoauthor

Facebook page: Zoethecrab

Books: Zoe the Crab - Lost on the Beach

Zoe the Crab - Mystery Island

Bookbub: Lucia Matuonto